Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Halloween Spootacular Vampire Halloween by Evelyn LaFont


Today we have a very special guest Evelyn LaFont, who has graciously written a short story just for this event as well as offering 2 ebook sets of her series Vampire Relationship Guide Book 1 and 2. BLH would like to send Big thank you to Evelyn for agreeing to participate.

A decade ago, on the first Halloween after vampires announced their existence, I was busy cleaning

My predicament wasn’t due to the fact that I preferred cleaning toilets over going to parties in a sexy maid outfit, better suited for seducing than cleaning. It was that I had no choice but to exploit the cleaning company’s staff shortage and make an extra $50 to keep my electricity on that month.

And really, I was in a maid costume…of a sort, with my light blue bandana tied around my blonde curly hair, which was in a messy ponytail, and my too-large nurse’s scrubs purchased not because I was a caregiver but because they let me twist my body comfortably enough to reach the hair and gunk that settles behind most toilets. To this sexy ensemble, I added my Dr. Scholl’s Velcro sneakers that were ugly but helped me stay on my feet for hours. Finally, I had my super clunky Walkman tucked inside my black vinyl fanny pack. Rather than being a treat for the eyes, I was definitely a trick.

Anyway, I wasn’t just cleaning out toilets in the 20-story glass and steel office building with views of the Gulf that night—oh no. I was also dusting individual offices, emptying desk-side trash bins and wiping off windowsills. Good stuff.

Since we started cleaning in early evening, the building was empty of employees. The sun had set and the views out the windows were lame, so I decided to crank up my Walkman’s volume and let the music carry me away. With Destiny’s Child Survivor CD on repeat, I put my body on automate and cleaned without thinking, grooving to the music and singing about what kind of survivor I really was—the kind who wasn’t gonna give up.

I started doing some amazing hip-shaking while dusting off the bookcase that took up the entire wall of a dark paneled office with a thick beige carpet and heavy antique furniture on the tenth floor. While in the middle of busting my moves, singing about how I was on top and wasn’t gonna stop, I felt a tap on my shoulder that caused me to jump and suck in a raggedy breath.

I pushed my foam-covered headphones off my ears and turned to see a tall, ridiculously attractive man in a navy blue suit standing right behind me—in front of me once I rotated my body all the way around. He had rich brown hair with warm golden flecks, flawless skin that was pale enough to make me think he spent too much time under fluorescents, dark brown eyes, and a chiseled chin so sharply defined, it might have been able to cut glass. His brow was furrowed and he was looking down at his watch, which was worn on the same hand that clasped a leather briefcase.

“Hi,” I said, feeling like an anxious rabbit desperate to escape his eventual, and sure-to-be piercing,scrutiny.

Hunk-of-cold-stare looked up from his watch and said, “How long will you be?”

“Oh, um, well, it could take us another three or so hours. We haven’t gotten to all the bathrooms or offices yet.”

He snorted and shook his head as his eyes grew colder and said, “No. How long will you be? In here.

I have work to do and the lovely combination of your loud mouth-breathing and high-pitched wailing about survival isn’t exactly conducive to work.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been around the block. I didn’t grow up surrounded by sunshine and flowers. I’ve been openly insulted before, but never so quickly by someone I’d just…well, just seen,really, because it’s not like we’d exchanged names and actually met each other.

Trying to stay professional (I did need the job, after all), I attempted to come up with a solution. “Oh,sure. Well, I can just go do other stuff and finish up in here later, before we leave. Will you be done working by then?” I looked at the plastic smiley-face watch on my wrist as I asked and saw that it was 8p.m., well past what I would consider normal late working hours for a 9-to-5 business dude.

Apparently, I was wrong.

“No, that’s not going to work. I’ll be here all night. Look, can you just clean in here without singing or talking or…breathing so loudly?” As he said it, he stomped off to his desk and slammed the briefcase down and started unloading piles of papers clipped with those industrial-sized paper clips and brown accordion folders with colored tabbies sticking out the top.

“Sure,” I mumbled, pressing the stop button on my Walkman so I could hear myself breathing and
regulate the volume of the oxygen around my face as it went in and out of my nostrils. We worked that way for a little, me tiptoeing in my Dr. Scholl’s and cleaning around Mr. Mean, him slamming papers around and occasionally grumbling about numbers and reconciling.

Eventually, I reached the last part of my duties, to the one that would bring me closest to him—emptying the wastepaper basket next to his desk. It was full, so I had to empty it. I briefly considered sneaking back in later, maybe when I heard him step out to use the restroom, but I figured that might annoy him even more if he caught me back in here after I was supposedly done, so I decided to just go for it.

I quietly shuffled across his thick carpet and up to his desk. As I reached down to grab the plastic bag lining the basket, he reached down to toss in a folder. When our hands grazed each other for just a tiny moment, there was a loud crack and fizzle. He jumped out of his seat with a startled cry.

“Jesus, you shocked me. You stupid child, you shocked me. Pick up your feet when you walk, for Christ’s sake.” As he spoke, I stared at his mouth and watched as his teeth, his two eyeteeth, grew longer and…sharper.

“You…you’re a…a…vampire?” I couldn’t hold back the shock from my voice. It was part awe, part
excitement and, based on his crappy disposition, part fear.

He looked at me. With an evil glint in his squinted eyes, he started to smile and ran his tongue over his fangs. Then, eyes slowly becoming wider, he…he hissed at me.

And I ran.

I ran straight out of the building, jumped in my car, and drove home to huddle in a corner of my one-room efficiency with a wooden spoon of defense in my hand and visions of Nosferatu’s crazy-assed fingernails in my head.

As you might expect, nothing else happened. No vampires tapped on my window or called me out
into the garden. No one bit me or otherwise terrorized me. If you’ve read about my life in my Vampire Relationship Guides, you might know I like vampires now. Maybe even a little too much.

The only bad thing that happened was that I wasn’t hired to work backup for that cleaning company again. Which is okay, because now, I’ve got my vampire boyfriend’s stinkhole to clean up. And really,isn’t that enough?

Author's Bio
Evelyn Lafont is an author and freelance writer with an addiction to Xanax and a predilection for snark. Her series, The Vampire Relationship Guide follows a clueless human as she sets out to date a vampire. Her books are available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and her website. For humor in small, portable doses, you can follow her on Facebook.

Now on to the giveaway! Evelyn has generously offered 2 ebook sets of her series Vampire Relationship Guide, All you have to do is comment and leave your email addy. This is a separate giveaway from the main but all comments from this one will count as extra entries for the big giveaway as well. All giveaways will be ending October 31st.


miki said...

Cute, i loved this short story.
If the ebook is in pdf format( i don't have any ereader) i would like to be entered ( i guess for thi first on the serie^^)

thanks for the giveaway


Unknown said...

Very entertaining short story. I really enjoyed book one of the Vampire Relationship Guide. It's a very light and fun read. No need to enter me in the giveaway as I already have copies of these books.

C.G. Powell said...

Great short Evelyn!

Unknown said...

Great short story/excerpt. Would love to get a copy of the book.

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed the story, thank you.

Amy said...

Nice story. A guide to dating vampires sounds really whimsical and fun, would love to read it!


Vivien said...

Great post!

deadtossedwaves at gmail dot com

jfort357 said...

I enjoyed the story!!! Thanks for sharing!!! And thanks for the chance to win!! :-)


Texas Book Lover said...

What a great short story! Thanks for sharing!

mmafsmith at gmail dot com

LorettaLynn//Temprance said...

Great post:)

Rachel said...

Am I too late for the giveaway?

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